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I owe an apology for the long wait. I’m heartily sorry.
I am now Muslim, disabled, and single, none of which was true in 2012. Here is the long-promised--and equally long-delayed--explanation. Because I am ill, it may take several installments. This is by necessity only a very broad outline of events which were by their nature quite complex. These events are furthermore intimately tied with other events which occurred over the course of some twenty years. These past incidents provide much context without which I cannot fully convey the depth of the realizations which compelled me to undertake what was one of the most painful and difficult decisions of my life. For the sake of brevity and simplicity, however, I have chosen not to address these past incidents here; though I hope to do so in the future.
First: 2012. It is by now sufficiently well-known that the world did not end that year; but 2012 was the year my own world began to end. By the end of 2011, various symptoms with which I had been suffering for years had become more severe; much worse than when the pain started in 2008. I never mentioned any of this here. At any rate I had been looking for years for a way to improve my failing health and had tried a great many things, and at that time I decided to give the so-called paleo diet a shot. The results were amazing. I lost over twenty pounds in two months, my energy levels were better, and my pain was less. I became a believer. At the same time I had begun reading various New Thought books from the Victorian/Edwardian era, and was trying assiduously to apply some of their precepts to my life in a way that would be harmonious with Teutonic Paganism; no small order, but I was game. Additionally, I had decided to work for the NSA and to that end was studying the Persian language. I felt better--physically, emotionally, spiritually--than I had in years.
Then it all came crashing down. My physical health was the first to go; after six months all of the benefits I was feeling from the paleo lifestyle vanished in short order. I hung on grimly for a few months as I watched my vitality go down the drain and my pain skyrocket. I couldn’t even study anymore: there was a permanent haze in my brain and the words on the page stopped making sense. I would get home from work, “study” (which meant staring blankly at books and my computer) for about an hour, then drink a beer and go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
Something had to give; and when it did, it was everything. Every aspect of my life was effectively shut down. Eventually I made it to Ann Arbor and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a diagnosis I didn't fully trust but one which did jibe with my symptoms.
In the meantime I had been struggling with many things, including Heathenry and its many failures. With great difficulty, I was forced to the conclusion that Teutonic Paganism is, as it stands, not viable in this milieu; I will elaborate on this elsewhere inshallah, because it deserves a thorough treatment.
Suffice it to say that everything I had previously believed and relied upon--everything which had given me a purpose and imparted meaning to my existence--was suddenly called into question. The gods had abandoned me, my body had betrayed me, and my mind was a wreck.
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